"TELL Plan"
Child 13-16: Step 1
Child 13-16 : Decision Point 1
Child 13-16: Step 2
Child 13-16: Step 2 : Language for donor
Child 13-16: Step 2 : Language for process
Child 13-16 : Decision Point 2
Child 13-16: Step 3: How To Tell
Child 13-16: Step 3: Lead-In
Child 13-16: Step 3: Family
Child 13-16: Step 3: Love
Child 13-16: KP 1
Child 13-16: KP 2
Child 13-16: Step 3: How To Tell
Child 13-16: Step 3 : How to tell? Initial conversation length
Child 13-16: Step 3 : Telling Example
Child 13-16: Step 3 : Telling Example : Maureen and Mitch
Child 13-16: Step 3 : CHAT
Child 13-16: Step 3 : Telling Example : Grayson and Charlotte
Child 13-16: Step 3 : CHAT
Child 13-16 : Decision Point 3
Child 13-16: Step 4 : Stories
Child 13-16: Step 4 : Stories
Child 13-16: Step 4 : Stories
Child 13-16: Step 4 : Trusted Adult
Child 13-16: Step 4 : Letter
Child 13-16: Step 4 : Text Message
Child 13-16 : Decision Point 4
Child 13-16: Step 5 : Where & When 1
Child 13-16: Step 5 : Where & When 2
Child 13-16: Step 5 : Initial Conversation: KP 2
Child 13-16 : Decision Point 5
Child 13-16: Good Job
Child 13-16: Step 6
Child 13-16: Subsequent Telling Conversation
Child 13-16 Years : Additional Support
Child 13-16 : Step 3 : Message From Dr. Martha Driessnack
Another Age ?
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© 2020 The Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois

"TELL Plan"
"TELL Plan"
For Child's Age Range
Children 13-16 years
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Child 13-16: Step 1
Children 13 - 16 years
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Step 1:

Who?

One or Both Parents or Others

Child 13-16 : Decision Point 1
Children 13-16 Years
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Who will participate in the initial telling conversation?







Child 13-16: Step 2
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 2:

What?

Language

Child 13-16: Step 2 : Language for donor
Children 13-16 Years

Step 2:
Language recommended

Donor

  1. Egg donor
  2. Sperm donor
  3. Embryo donor
  4. Sperm provider
  5. Egg provider
  6. Embryo provider
  7. Helper
  8. Donor’s name, such as “Kenisha” or “Dwayne”
  9. Biological contributor
  10. Genetic contributor

Egg, Sperm, or Embryo

  1. A missing or needed part (egg, sperm, embryo)
  2. Sperm cell or donated sperm
  3. Egg cell, oocyte, or donated egg, donated oocyte
  4. Gamete cells (for egg and sperm)
  5. Special cells (embryo)
  6. Egg that has been fertilized by a sperm (embryo)
  7. Embryo

Uterus

  1. Uterus
  2. Womb
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Child 13-16: Step 2 : Language for process
Children 13-16 Years

Step 2:
Language recommended

Process or Treatment

“As you know, it takes a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman to form a baby. In our family, dad’s body could not form sperm and a man donated sperm to us. With the help of specialized doctors and nurses, the donated sperm was put with your mom’s egg in a special dish (called a petri dish) to form an embryo – which was YOU. You were then placed back into mom’s body – in her uterus – until you were born.”

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Child 13-16 : Decision Point 2
Children 13-16 Years


What language will you use for donor, sperm, egg or embryo?



How will you describe the treatment that took place?




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Child 13-16: Step 3: How To Tell
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3:

How to Tell?

Child 13-16: Step 3: Lead-In
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3: How?

Use a Lead-In

Child 13-16: Step 3: Family
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3: How?

Emphasize how Our Family was Created

Child 13-16: Step 3: Love
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3: How?

Reinforce Love for the Child

Child 13-16: KP 1
Children 13-16 Years
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1st Point

Child 13-16: KP 2
Children 13-16 Years
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2nd Point

Child 13-16: Step 3: How To Tell
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3:

How?

Give Your Full Attention to Your Child

Child 13-16: Step 3 : How to tell? Initial conversation length
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3:

How?

Length of the Initial Conversation

Child 13-16: Step 3 : Telling Example
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 3:

Telling EXAMPLE

Child 13-16: Step 3 : Telling Example : Maureen and Mitch
Children 13-16 Years

Maureen and Mitch Discuss Telling their Children

Child 13-16: Step 3 : CHAT
Children 13-16 Years

Pause
for
TELL Chat

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Child 13-16: Step 3 : Telling Example : Grayson and Charlotte
Children 13-16 Years

Initial Telling Conversation with Grayson and Charlotte

Child 13-16: Step 3 : CHAT
Children 13-16 Years

Pause
for
TELL Chat

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Child 13-16 : Decision Point 3
Children 13-16 Years
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Building on the language you selected in Step 2, create 3-4 key content sentences for your initial Telling Conversation.
Include:
1st: Your “Lead In”
2nd: Phrase about many types of families
3rd: How your family was created
4th: How much you love your child.



Child 13-16: Step 4 : Stories
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Child 13-16: Step 4 : Stories
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 4:

Supplemental Strategies:

Using Stories Links :

Child 13-16: Step 4 : Stories
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 4:

Supplemental Strategies:

Using Photos or Videos

Click to watch Microscopic IVF/embryo video

Child 13-16: Step 4 : Trusted Adult
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 4:

Supplemental Strategies:

Identify Another Trusted Adult for Follow-Up

Child 13-16: Step 4 : Letter
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 4:

Supplemental Strategies:

Writing a Letter to Your Child

Child 13-16: Step 4 : Text Message
Children 13-16 Years
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Step 4:

Supplemental Strategies:

Updates via Text Messaging

Child 13-16 : Decision Point 4
Children 13-16 Years
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Which Supplemental Strategies will you likely use in your initial telling conversation?

Please click on the box for the strategy or strategies that you will likely use







Child 13-16: Step 5 : Where & When 1
Children 13-16 Years

Step 5:

Where & When?

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Child 13-16: Step 5 : Where & When 2
Children 13-16 Years

Step 5:

Where & When?

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Child 13-16: Step 5 : Initial Conversation: KP 2
Children 13-16 Years

Initial Telling Conversation

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Child 13-16 : Decision Point 5
Children 13-16 Years
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Where and when will you carry out the initial telling conversation?

Where?





When?

(Please enter if this is days or months. Example: "7 days" or "1 month")

Child 13-16: Good Job
Children 13-16 Years
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Child 13-16: Step 6
Children 13-16 Years

Step 6:

Responses and Replying:

Adolescents

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Child 13-16: Subsequent Telling Conversation
Children 13-16 Years

Subsequent Telling Conversations

Guidance about Frequency

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Child 13-16 Years : Additional Support
Children 13-16 Years
Do I need to seek additional support or help?

You know your teen.

  1. Reach out if the behaviors or emotional responses seem unusual, exaggerated, and persistent.

Know yourself as a parent.

  1. Every parent has strengths and weaknesses.
  2. If you need help or support, do not hesitate to reach out.
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Child 13-16 : Step 3 : Message From Dr. Martha Driessnack
Children 13-16 Years

Martha Driessnack PhD, RN, PPCNP-BC
Emeritus Faculty
School of Nursing
Oregon Health & Science University

Another Age ?
Click to select another age group
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Patricia Hershberger, PhD, RN, FNP, FAAN

Email: phersh@med.umich.edu

Office Phone: 734- 763-0011

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