© 2020 The Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois

Step 1:
Who?
One or Both Parents or Others


Step 2:
What?
Language
Step 2:
Language recommended
Donor
- Egg donor
- Sperm donor
- Embryo donor
- Sperm provider
- Egg provider
- Embryo provider
- Helper
- Donor’s name, such as “Kenisha” or “Dwayne”
- Biological contributor
- Genetic contributor
Egg, Sperm, or Embryo
- A missing or needed part (egg, sperm, embryo)
- Sperm cell or donated sperm
- Egg cell, oocyte, or donated egg, donated oocyte
- Gamete cells (for egg and sperm)
- Special cells (embryo)
- Egg that has been fertilized by a sperm (embryo)
- Embryo
Uterus
- Uterus
- Womb
Step 2:
Language recommended
Process or Treatment
“As you know, it takes a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman to form a baby. In our family, dad’s body could not form sperm and a man donated sperm to us. With the help of specialized doctors and nurses, the donated sperm was put with your mom’s egg in a special dish (called a petri dish) to form an embryo – which was YOU. You were then placed back into mom’s body – in her uterus – until you were born.”


Step 3:
How to Tell?

Step 3: How?
Use a Lead-In

Step 3: How?
Emphasize how Our Family was Created

Step 3: How?
Reinforce Love for the Child

1st Point

2nd Point

Step 3:
How?
Give Your Full Attention to Your Child

Step 3:
How?
Length of the Initial Conversation

Step 3:
Telling EXAMPLE
Maureen and Mitch Discuss Telling their Children
Pause
for
TELL Chat
Initial Telling Conversation with Grayson and Charlotte
Pause
for
TELL Chat


Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Using Stories Links :

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Using Photos or Videos
Click to watch Microscopic IVF/embryo video

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Identify Another Trusted Adult for Follow-Up

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Writing a Letter to Your Child

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Updates via Text Messaging

Step 5:
Where & When?

Step 5:
Where & When?

Initial Telling Conversation



Step 6:
Responses and Replying:
Adolescents

Subsequent Telling Conversations
Guidance about Frequency

You know your teen.
- Reach out if the behaviors or emotional responses seem unusual, exaggerated, and persistent.
Know yourself as a parent.
- Every parent has strengths and weaknesses.
- If you need help or support, do not hesitate to reach out.
Martha Driessnack PhD, RN, PPCNP-BC
Emeritus Faculty
School of Nursing
Oregon Health & Science University