© 2020 The Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois
Selecting Specific Situations
Estimated Time to Complete this Module:
3 minutes to 60 minutes depending upon how many “Situations” you select

Situation 1:
How do I manage “public” versus “private” family information?
"I am planning to tell my child about the conception but I don’t really want them to tell anyone else about it."
What can I do?
Situation 2:
Still Nervous about Telling
“I completed Module 3 but I am still nervous about telling my child”.
What can I do?
Situation 3:
Subsequent Telling Conversations – More Information
After the initial Telling Conversation, how and when do I begin the Subsequent Telling Conversations? And is there a “good” way to do this?
Situation 4:
My donor is known (or anonymous) to me
How do I manage my TELL Plan with the donor?
What do you recommend?
Situation 5:
Telling Children of Different Ages
“My children are at different ages. How does the telling work best when there are children at different developmental stages?”
Situation 6:
Initial telling does NOT go well
“What if the initial telling conversation does not go well?
Then, what do I do?”
Situation 7:
I am worried about half-or-full siblings’ question
“What if my adolescent wants to find out about the donor—or any half (or full) siblings”.
What do I do?
Situation 8:
The words I did NOT want to hear –I’ve heard
“My child just said, “You are NOT my mom (or dad)”.
Now, what do I do?
Harold D. Grotevant, PhD
Professor & Rudd Family Foundation Chair in Psychology
Department of Psychology & Brain Science
Center for Research on Families
University of Massachusetts Amherst
Situation 9:
When to seek help from a professional
American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s Mental Health Professionals webpage: Click Here
Situation 10:
What about Parent’s Health?
“OK...my child knows and is doing OK. But I feel emotionally drained”.
What can I do?
American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s Mental Health Professionals webpage: Click Here
Situation 11:
My child says “Donor Dad” (or) “Donor Mom”
“I asked my child not to use the term ‘dad’ or ‘mom’ when they talk about the donor. However, I heard my adolescent child saying “my donor mom (or dad)”. I felt really hurt.What do I do in this situation?”
Situation 12:
Donor Sibling Registry
“What is the Donor Sibling Registry? Is it legitimate? And, if so, should I use it?”
Click Here for Donor Sibling Registry
Situation 13:
Donor Conception Network
“I‘ve heard only a bit about the Donor Conception Network.
Who is in this group?”
Click here to visit Donor Conception Network
Situation 14:
Direct-to-Consumer Genetic Tests
Research Team:
Agatha M. Gallo, PhD, RN, FAAN
University of Illinois, Chicago
Valerie Gruss, PhD, APRN, NP-BC, FAAN
University of Illinois, Chicago
Martha Driessnack, PhD, RN, PPCNP-BC
Oregon Health & Science University
Hal Grotevant, PhD
University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Susan C. Klock, PhD
Northwestern University
Lauri Pasch, PhD
University of California, San Francisco
Alana Steffen, PhD
University of Illinois, Chicago
Financial Support:
Financial SupportAssociationof Women’s Health, Obstetric, and Neonatal Nurses

National Institutes of HealthGrant R34 NR019278-01

Special Appreciation
To the many parents and children that participated in our prior research.
To the many organizations and institutions that supported this project in a multitude of ways.