"TELL Plan"
Child 8-12 : Step 1
Child 8-12 : Decision Point 1
Child 8-12 : Step 2 : Language
Child 8-12 : Step 2 : for donor
Child 8-12 : Step 2 : for process
Child 8-12 : Decision Point 2
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How to tell ?
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How? Family Types
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How? Formation of Your Family
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How? Loved
Child 8-12 : KP 1
Child 8-12 : KP 2
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Attention
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How ? Time
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Telling Example
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Telling Example
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : CHAT
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Terri & Dwayne
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : CHAT
Child 8-12 : Decision Point 3
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Photos
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Drawings
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Trusted Adults
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Letters
Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : News
Child 8-12 : Decision Point 4
Child 8-12 : Step 5 : Where & When 1
Child 8-12 : Step 5 : Where & When 2
Child 8-12 : Initial telling conversation
Child 8-12 : Decision Point 5
Child 8-12 : Good Job
Child 8-12 : Step 6 : Responses and Replying 1
Child 8-12 : Subsequent Telling
Child 8-12 Year: Additional Support
Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Message From Dr. Martha Driessnack
Another Age ?
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"TELL Plan"
"TELL Plan"
For Child's Age Range
Children 8-12 years
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Child 8-12 : Step 1
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 1:

Who?

One or Both Parents or Others

Child 8-12 : Decision Point 1
Children 8-12 Years

Who will participate in the initial telling conversation?







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Child 8-12 : Step 2 : Language
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 2:

What ?

Language

Child 8-12 : Step 2 : for donor
Children 8-12 Years

Step 2:
Language recommended

Donor

  1. Donor
  2. Special person/woman/man
  3. Sperm provider/Egg provider
  4. Helper
  5. Generous helper/woman/man
  6. Donor’s name, such as “Jessica” or “James”
  7. Biological contributor
  8. Genetic contributor

Egg, Sperm, or Embryo

  1. Egg or sperm
  2. Seed(s)
  3. Special ingredient(s)
  4. Tiny part(s)
  5. A piece of daddy/ a piece of mommy
  6. Missing part(s)
  7. A gift
  8. Sperm cell/donated sperm
  9. Egg cell/oocyte or donated egg/oocyte
  10. Special cells (embryo)
  11. Egg that has been fertilized by a sperm (embryo)
  12. Embryo

Uterus

  1. Special home/place
  2. Uterus
  3. Womb
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Child 8-12 : Step 2 : for process
Children 8-12 Years

Step 2:
Language recommended

Process or Treatment

  1. “tiny parts that mommy and daddy needed were provided by special people/a special person”
  2. “mom and/or dad got the missing part they needed from a person with the help of health care professionals with special tools”
  3. “we used a donor’s sperm (or egg), which was placed inside mommy and then you grew”
  4. “mommies got a part they needed from a special man with the help of health care professionals to have you”
  5. “mommy needed to replace a special part to have a baby”
  6. “daddy’s sperm was missing/did not work well, so we got special sperm from a man with the help of doctor and nurses”
  7. “mommy and daddy’s bodies worked differently than other people’s bodies and we needed help”

Older Child:

  1. “It takes a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman to form a baby.
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Child 8-12 : Decision Point 2
Children 8-12 Years
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What language will you use for donor, sperm, egg or embryo?



How will you describe the treatment that took place?



Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How to tell ?
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3:

How to Tell?

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How? Family Types
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3: How?

Discuss Types of Families

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How? Formation of Your Family
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3: How?

Discuss How Your Family was Formed

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How? Loved
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3: How?

Tell Your Child How Much They Are Wanted & Loved

Child 8-12 : KP 1
Children 8-12 Years
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1st Point

Child 8-12 : KP 2
Children 8-12 Years
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2nd Point

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Attention
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3:

How?

Give Full Attention to Your Child

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : How ? Time
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3:

How?

Length of Time

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Telling Example
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 3:

Telling EXAMPLE

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Telling Example
Children 8-12 Years

Terri and Dwayne prepare for their Initial Telling Conversation

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : CHAT
Children 8-12 Years
Pause
for
TELL Chat
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Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Terri & Dwayne
Children 8-12 Years

Terri & Dwayne have their initial TELL Talk with Noah and Sarah.

Child 8-12 : Step 3 : CHAT
Children 8-12 Years
Pause
for
TELL Chat
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Child 8-12 : Decision Point 3
Children 8-12 Years
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Building on the language you selected in Step 2, create 2-3 key content sentences for your initial Telling Conversation.
Include:
1st: Many types of families phrase.
2nd: How your family was created.
3rd: How much you love your child.



Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS
Children 8-12 Years

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

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Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Using Children’s Books

Click Here

Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Photos
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Using Photos or Videos

Example of microscopic IVF video:
Click Here

Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Drawings
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Incorporating Drawings

Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Trusted Adults
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 4 :
Supplemental Strategies:

Identify Another Trusted Adult for Follow-Up

Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : Letters
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Writing a Letter to Your Child

Child 8-12 : Step 4 : SS : News
Children 8-12 Years
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Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Using a Media News Story

Example:
Today Show Story

Child 8-12 : Decision Point 4
Children 8-12 Years
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Which Supplemental Strategies will you use in your initial telling conversation?

Please click on the box for the strategy or strategies that you will likely use









Child 8-12 : Step 5 : Where & When 1
Children 8-12 Years

Step 5:

Where and When

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Child 8-12 : Step 5 : Where & When 2
Children 8-12 Years

Step 5:

Where and When

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Child 8-12 : Initial telling conversation
Children 8-12 Years

Initial Telling Conversation

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Child 8-12 : Decision Point 5
Children 8-12 Years
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Where and when will you carry out the initial telling conversation?

Where?





When?

(Please enter if this is days or months. Example: "7 days" or "1 month")

Child 8-12 : Good Job
Children 8-12 Years
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Child 8-12 : Step 6 : Responses and Replying 1
Children 8-12 Years

Step 6:

Responses and Replying:

Children 8 to 12 Years

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Child 8-12 : Subsequent Telling
Children 8-12 Years

Subsequent Telling Conversations

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Child 8-12 Year: Additional Support
Children 8-12 Years
Do I need to seek additional support or help?

You know your child.

  1. Reach out if the behaviors or emotional responses seem unusual, exaggerated, and persistent.

Know yourself as a parent.

  1. Every parent has strengths and weaknesses.
  2. If you need help or support, do not hesitate to reach out.
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Child 8-12 : Step 3 : Message From Dr. Martha Driessnack
Children 8-12 Years

Martha Driessnack PhD, RN, PPCNP-BC
Emeritus Faculty
School of Nursing
Oregon Health & Science University

Another Age ?
Click to select another age group
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Patricia Hershberger, PhD, RN, FNP, FAAN

Email: phersh@uic.edu

Office Phone: 312-996-1305

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