© 2020 The Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois

Step 1:
Who?
One or Both Parents or Others


Step 2:
What ?
Language
Step 2:
Language recommended
Donor
- Donor
- Special person/woman/man
- Sperm provider/Egg provider
- Helper
- Generous helper/woman/man
- Donor’s name, such as “Jessica” or “James”
- Biological contributor
- Genetic contributor
Egg, Sperm, or Embryo
- Egg or sperm
- Seed(s)
- Special ingredient(s)
- Tiny part(s)
- A piece of daddy/ a piece of mommy
- Missing part(s)
- A gift
- Sperm cell/donated sperm
- Egg cell/oocyte or donated egg/oocyte
- Special cells (embryo)
- Egg that has been fertilized by a sperm (embryo)
- Embryo
Uterus
- Special home/place
- Uterus
- Womb
Step 2:
Language recommended
Process or Treatment
- “tiny parts that mommy and daddy needed were provided by special people/a special person”
- “mom and/or dad got the missing part they needed from a person with the help of health care professionals with special tools”
- “we used a donor’s sperm (or egg), which was placed inside mommy and then you grew”
- “mommies got a part they needed from a special man with the help of health care professionals to have you”
- “mommy needed to replace a special part to have a baby”
- “daddy’s sperm was missing/did not work well, so we got special sperm from a man with the help of doctor and nurses”
- “mommy and daddy’s bodies worked differently than other people’s bodies and we needed help”
Older Child:
- “It takes a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman to form a baby.


Step 3:
How to Tell?

Step 3: How?
Discuss Types of Families

Step 3: How?
Discuss How Your Family was Formed

Step 3: How?
Tell Your Child How Much They Are Wanted & Loved

1st Point

2nd Point

Step 3:
How?
Give Full Attention to Your Child

Step 3:
How?
Length of Time

Step 3:
Telling EXAMPLE
Terri and Dwayne prepare for their Initial Telling Conversation
for
TELL Chat
Terri & Dwayne have their initial TELL Talk with Noah and Sarah.
for
TELL Chat

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Using Children’s Books
Click Here

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Using Photos or Videos
Example of microscopic IVF video:
Click Here

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Incorporating Drawings

Step 4 :
Supplemental Strategies:
Identify Another Trusted Adult for Follow-Up

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Writing a Letter to Your Child

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Using a Media News Story
Example:
Today Show Story

Step 5:
Where and When

Step 5:
Where and When

Initial Telling Conversation



Step 6:
Responses and Replying:
Children 8 to 12 Years

Subsequent Telling Conversations

You know your child.
- Reach out if the behaviors or emotional responses seem unusual, exaggerated, and persistent.
Know yourself as a parent.
- Every parent has strengths and weaknesses.
- If you need help or support, do not hesitate to reach out.
Martha Driessnack PhD, RN, PPCNP-BC
Emeritus Faculty
School of Nursing
Oregon Health & Science University