© 2020 The Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois

Step 1:
Who?
One or both parents or others


Step 2 :
What ?
Language
Step 2:
Language recommended
Donor
- Donor
- Special person/woman/man
- Eggs/sperm/embryo Provider
- Generous helper
- Generous woman/man
- Donor’s name, such as “Jessica” or “James”
- Man/woman/people who gave
- Helper
Egg, Sperm, or Embryo
- Egg or sperm
- Seed(s)
- Special ingredient(s)
- Tiny part(s)
- A piece of daddy/ a piece of mommy
- Missing part(s)
- A gift
- Special cells (embryo)
- Embryo
Uterus
- Garden
- Special home/place
- Uterus
- Womb
Step 2:
Language recommended
Process or Treatment
- “tiny part(s) that mommy and daddy needed were provided by doctors with the help of special people/a special person”
- “mommy and/or daddy got the special part they needed from a generous person with the help of doctors with special tools”
- “we used a donor’s sperm (or egg), which was placed inside mommy and then you grew”
- “daddy’s seeds weren’t going to make a baby, so we went to get some seeds from a man who had lots”
- “mommies got a part they needed from a special man with the help of doctors to have you”
- “daddy’s sperm was missing/did not work well, so we got special sperm from a man with the help of doctors and nurses”
- “mommy needed help to replace a special part to have a baby”
- “mommy and daddy’s bodies worked differently than other people’s bodies and we needed help”


Step 3:
How to Tell?

Step 3: How?
Discuss Types of Families

Step 3: How?
Discuss How Your Family was Formed

Step 3: How?
Tell Your Child How Much They are Wanted & Loved

1st Point

2nd Point

3rd Point

Step 3: How?
Give Your Full Attention

Step 3: How?
Length of Time

Step 3: How?
Telling EXAMPLES
Alicia prepares for her initial TELL Talk with her son, Jordan.
Jen and Eric get ready for their initial TELL Talk with Caleb.
Pause
for
TELL CHAT
Alicia’s initial TELL Talk with 3-year-old Jordan.
Jen’s and Eric’s initial TELL Talk with Caleb.
Pause
for
TELL CHAT


Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies



Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies :
Using Children's Books




Online Resources for Parents
1. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s Mental Health Professional Group provides a “Bookshelf” for Parents with information about Children’s Books.
See: Click Here to read.
2. Librarian Patricia Sarles, MA, MLS, has developed an extensive Blog.
See Click Here to read.





Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Creating a Song

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Using Photos and Videos

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Incorporating Drawings

Step 4:
Supplemental Strategies:
Creating a Fairytale

Decision Point
STEP 4:
Step 5:
When & Where

Step 5:
When & Where


Step 5:
Where and When:
Final Thoughts
Decision Point:


Step 6:
Responses and Replying:
Young Children

Subsequent Telling Conversations

You know your child.
- Reach out if the behaviors or emotional responses seem unusual, exaggerated, and persistent.
Know yourself as a parent.
- Every parent has strengths and weaknesses.
- If you need help or support, do not hesitate to reach out.
Martha Driessnack PhD, RN, PPCNP-BC
Emeritus Faculty
School of Nursing
Oregon Health & Science University